I’ve been considering an important question lately: How does God view me as I wait on Him? I’ve realized that my attitude about this–my subconscious assumptions–strongly determines how I feel as I wait. This is a really tricky area in which I’ve found myself believing all kinds of lies.
I can’t definitively answer the question, “Why does God want me to wait for things that I long for?” I can think of some possible reasons: circumstances needing to line up in a way that’s ideal from God’s perspective, or the value of how I’ll be transformed through developing patience. But more importantly, I need to recognize that God’s love for me determines both what He allows in my life, and what His attitude toward me is.
When God doesn’t give me a speedy “yes” to my prayers, it’s an easy, easy thing for me to start thinking that He doesn’t care about my desires, and that my feelings don’t matter to Him. I am amazed at how readily my mind adopts this way of thinking. Yet this is the age-old trick of the evil one. When Satan spoke to Eve in the Garden, his whole argument was essentially that God was lying to her and that He wasn’t the loving Father that He claims to be, but rather was trying to keep good things away from her. And this is the very same lie that I’m believing when I tell myself that God doesn’t really care about me and my waiting.
I read Psalm 27 recently (or Psalm 28 in Western Bibles), and it says, “The Lord is my helper and my champion;/ In Him my heart hoped, and I was helped,/ And my flesh revived” (verse 7). This verse reminds us that God is not just passively watching us, and He is not even simply cheering us on: He is our champion, actively pursuing our cause, protecting us, fighting on our behalf, dedicated to our good. I’ve learned the value of champions from playing board games; when my opponent’s champion comes onto the board, I get very concerned and target him immediately, because I know what a powerful force he is. And I find the image of the all-powerful, all-seeing God as my champion to be incredibly encouraging.
I’ve realized that I need to actively ask myself what I believe about God, reminding myself that He “is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31). Sometimes I get the idea that God is even scoffing at me, contemptuous of my hope that wonderful things may come to me, and this makes me want to abandon my hopes in shame. But, again, who would plant that idea in my head? It is not from the Lord; it’s from the adversary, who can defeat me most easily simply by convincing me not to fight him at all.
I know this is a theme that I need to ponder more, and I will most likely come back to it in a later post. In the mean time, I hope these thoughts encourage you in whatever area you may be facing doubt or struggle right now.