On Certain Difficulties in Marriage by Father Andrew (Konanos)

Natalya Mihailova | 23 March 2018

A truly faithful person will help you to save your marriage with your beloved person, but not to divorce. Of course, people who live in Christ cannot give you such strange, destructive and groundless advice. Do not be shy to ask for help! Ask for advice and support to save your marriage. You cannot solve this problem on your own, especially when your mind is completely blocked.

Einstein said important things: a mind cannot solve the problem that it has generated by itself. There must be another mind that will help cope with it. It is known that when people are angry, the first thoughts that come to their mind are like “I will divorce you”, “I will avenge”, “I will show my strength”. The most dramatic thoughts come to your mind at this moment. But you need to think a bit. And then ask for help. Apostle Paul says: “We have the mind of Christ”. Place your mind near Christ and say: “My God, enlighten me with Your own mind, which is full of light, love and wisdom, and tell me what to do”. Ask the one who you trust. Your relative, for example.


“Tell me, what should I do? What is my mistake” Rather, “What is my mistake?” Have you ever said that? Or do you act like the majority of couples, who are always concerned that it is the other’s fault?

If you learn to ask “What is my mistake?”, then things will get better. However, since we are rather diplomatic at home, we never say like this. It is always someone else’s fault. Not yours. You always justify yourself.

You are so lucky that you are married. You have a great opportunity to spend pleasant moments together, to perceive your own soul and the soul of your close one – you husband or wife. This is a great treasure in your life!

Do not turn into a horse galloping on its own back. This is not good. What is more, this will not help you in your life. There is two of us! Ride ahead together! We can even say that there is a beautiful rivalry between you. You look at one another and get inspired for working on yourself. Your marriage is a great opportunity for your spiritual development, self-knowledge and flourishing. Do not deprive yourself of this gift granted by God. Also, wherever you go, your problem will haunt you.

One a man came to me and said that he wanted to divorce. I said, “Well, divorce your wife, but this does not mean at all that in new relationships you will become an angel. You will remain what you are. This is why you need to do your best to make your current marriage better, try to improve your own nature. If nothing changes, then we will talk about it. Even if you begin to live with another woman now, you will finally get into a fight. Your wife is not the problem here. You are the problem, too”.

From the book by Archimandrite Andrew (Konanos), 

“There are certain difficulties in marriage…”

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